goodlife
Monday, December 29, 2003
Hugh: I spent all of today building a gaint H in the snow. its 7 feet high.
Winter break is a beautiful thing. But so, so very short. When I say that school stifles the creative, joyful, magic, spiritual, intellectual, romantic, all-encompassing energy of mankind... I mean it from the bottom of my heart. Life can be lived better than this, I promise. We just have to sit up in the morning and say "you know, I'm gonna be more than they want me to be." I was talking to Thoreau about it and he shared this story with me:
...Not long since, a strolling Indian went to sell baskets at the house of a well-known lawyer in my neighborhood. "Do you wish to buy any baskets?" he asked. "No, we do not want any," was the reply. "What!" exclaimed the Indian as he went out the gate, "do you mean to starve us?" Having seen his industrious white neighbors so well off, -- that the lawyer had only to weave arguments, and by some magic wealth and standing followed, he had said to himself; I will go into business; I will weave baskets; it is a thing which I can do. Thinking that when he had made the baskets he would have done his part, and then it would be the white man's to buy them. He had not discovered that it was necessary for him to make it worth the other's while to buy them, or at least make him think that it was so, or to make something else which it would be worth his while to buy. I too had woven a kind of basket of a delicate texture, but I had not made it worth any one's while to buy them. Yet not the less, in my case, did I think it worth my while to weave them, and instead of studying how to make it worth men's while to buy my baskets, I studied rather how to avoid the necessity of selling them. The life which men praise and regard as successful is but one kind. Why should we exaggerate any one kind at the expense of the others?
Friday, December 26, 2003
"If the parents in each generation... knew what really goes on at their son's schools, the history of education would be very different." - C.S. Lewis
A mantra I wrote for myself awhile ago and have neglected lately. Enjoy:
I am a point of light in a field of brilliant, shining color. And you are the point where my left would be, if such distinctions had any meaning. I am a drop of rain. And you are a drop of rain. There is no ground below approaching, only space to fall forever. I am a point of light in a field of color-- and I know that shadow can not dwell here in this house-without-walls in a field of brilliant, dazzling, space and color. I am a point of life in a world of living. You and I are cells processing glucose in the backbone of the Earth. I am a breath on the lips of God, and you are the breath immediately after. We are dew on the heads of angels and in the crevices of stones. No one comes and no one leaves us, we are still and nothing moves. Ours are stars of undiminished silence glowing faintly on the far side of the moon. And no one comes and no one leaves us. No one touches but all are touched. And I am a point of perfect stillness in an ocean without tide. And you are floating calmly by my side.
Thursday, December 25, 2003
I was afraid that my indignation about school would sort of quiet and humble itself in the face of two mostly comfortable weeks away from the drudgery and abuse. I had hoped the two weeks would provide me with ample time for rest, and convalescence, and reading inspirational authors, and organizing my thoughts, and etc. I suppose that, as of today (Christmas) either scenario could be in the works. The bank has been frustrating, these last several (crazy-pre-holiday) days, and I've had nary a moments peace until this morning. But good stuff has happened and good stuff is in the works. I'm feeling positive, this afternoon. Content. Today I turn adult (legally, anyway) and I am resolved internally not to return willingly to an environment that refuses to treat me with any semblance of respect. The question remains as to how my highschool experiance might be best improved and made-suitable to my needs. It is a good question. For now I'm recuperating and allowing my nerves to settle. I can't tell you how much this last semester of school has screwed with the inner workings of my mind. For Example: Today I was given a very nice suitcase by my father. My first thought was "Wow that's a cool suitcase" (as it ought to have been) but my second thought (this is the troubling part) was "How am I going to convince Mr. Terpstra that carrying this innocent case is in violation of no sane rules or regulations and in no way poses a threat to the community and stability of this highschool?" What a stupid place to be expected to learn. Why do we live in fear of this stuff?
Tuesday, December 23, 2003
I need three days during which I'm obligated to do nothing but sleep, but I'm afraid that won't happen.
Monday, December 22, 2003
Randomly Discovered Wisdom (the best kind):
"there's something that i need to remember about my life for future analysis:
right now, i am happy.
most of my life, i have been unhappy internally and, although annoyed at my external circumstances, more or less resigned to my inability to change them. now, i am happy internally and incredibly frustrated at my external situation, circumstances that are preventing the full realization of my internal disposition.
but i am not helpless. this is my life; i'm going to stop living it like it's not."
- Shelby (can't tell you much about her... sorta stumbled across her accidentally in one of those quirks of internet serendipity that we all know and love so well.)
"be less efficient but more creative. let that be the motive. don't be bothered too much about utilitarian ends. rather, constantly remember that you are not here in life to become a commodity. you are not here to become a utility, that is below dignity. you are not here just to become more and more efficient. you are here to become more and more alive; you are to become more and more intelligent; you are here to become more and more happy, ecstatically happy. but that is totally different from the ways of the mind..." - Osho
Friday, December 19, 2003
And break is finally here. (throws himself up on deck of rescue boat and hiccups up water, gasping for air, flailing about pitifully)
Thursday, December 11, 2003
homework (the concept of which I disagree with entirely) was a brilliant idea on someone's part. if one participates in the most challenging curriculum accessible (which, if one enjoys learning and thinking, one does) he finds, more often than not, that, though his thinking is not particularly stimulated (unless he takes physics), he is never-the-less completely exhausted and continually beset by those ditto-demons of idle, brainless, soulless occupation which are intended (supposedly) to enhance and reinforce the valuable concepts which (supposedly) he gathered and consumed over the course of his monotonous school day. school, without homework, is equivalent to a mandatory sort of menial part time job (with no hope of promotion) and homework itself (demanding as much as three hours an evening, with occasional over-time and considerable weekend hours) could constitute an occupation. for those of us who (for monetary and personal-self-worth reasons) attempt to carry an actual job on the side, things can be pretty rough. we wander about like the single mother working two shifts at two jobs and also caring for the troubled teenager. unlike the mother, of course, our situation is temporary and stupid. we are afforded the luxury of disassociation; the ability to say "this is not my life and in six months I will go to college". our failures and hardships and tears are, therefore, largely more endurable and our hopelessness is of a more hopeful variety. but the fact remains that there is virtually no time for substantial, productive thought of any sort. we do what we need to do to get by and if, occasionally, we are blessed with a quiet moment in which to think an original thought, the chances that time and circumstance will allow us to act on that intuition are very poor. homework, I would argue, plays a very necessary part in the breaking of souls and the conditioning of happy children to lives of miserable servitude with occasional moments of bliss. if one were attempting to insure that the persons over whom one had control never ever questioned or challenged that control, it would be wise to give them homework. whether this truth appeared in the form of a conscious thought to the administrative powers-that-be at any point in the evolution of modern American educational philosophy I don't know. it doesn't seem that unlikely.
"Our schools have been scientifically designed to prevent over-education from happening...The average American [should be] content with their humble role in life, because they're not tempted to think about any other role." - William Harris (U.S. Commissioner of Education, 1889)
it will make
no difference
to the river
if a pebble
makes a ripple
but the pebble
and the fish
will not forget
Tuesday, December 09, 2003
Yet another circumstance in which our highschool is kind enough to introduce us to a beautiful work of art and then offer up itself as an undeniable validation of the artists' very-critical comments about society:
when serpents bargain for the right to squirm
and the sun strikes to gain a living wage-
when thorns regard their roses with alarm
and rainbows are insured against old age
when every thrush may sing no new moon in
if all screech-owls have not okayed his voice
-and any wave signs on the dotted line
or else an ocean is compelled to close
when the oak begs permission of the birch
to make an acorn-valleys accuse their
mountains of having altitude-and march
denounces april as a saboteur
then we'll believe in that incredible
unanimal mankind(and not until)
-e.e. cummings
Saturday, December 06, 2003
"When we are willing to abandon our self-protective professional autonomy and make ourselves as dependent on students as they are on us, we move closer to the interdependence that the community of truth requires."
- Parker J. Palmer
Tossed my way by an interested Chelsea Highschool parent (who just happens to be a college professor and, consequently, not-uninvolved in the whole "education" deal). I havn't really had an adequate opportunity (just yet) to sit, and think, and meditate over, and write about this... but I thought I'd put it up for the world to see and enjoy.
Friday, December 05, 2003
Pressing buttons, filling out forms.
Pressing buttons, filling out forms.
Pressing buttons, filling out forms.
Pressing buttons, filling out forms.
Pressing buttons...
(Is this life?)
Thursday, December 04, 2003
I'm not sure everybody is aware that this exists, so I thought I'd "make it available". It contains a full directory of Chelsea-School-District teacher, administrator, and staff email addresses. I can't think of a better, more appropriate way to contact people who are in a position to answer your difficult questions, respond to your pressing arguments, and share what knowledge they've acquired over the course of their career in education. The fact that these people are willing to publically post their contact information and (I would assume) respond to student inquiries says a lot about the community we're a part of, and I would encourage all of you to take advantage of their accessibility. Try to be respectful... but I don't see any harm in intelligently expressing your valid grievances and thoughful criticisms. I intend to.
Anyway... do with that what you will. Have a lovely evening.
A German perspective on American logic:
Rory: I just returned from the detention I had to serve for carrying my viola in the hallway.
Paula: That's STUPID! Why are you not allowed to carry your viola in the hallway?
Rory: I'm not sure exactly. They tell me it counts as a backpack.
Paula: Oh yes, I forgot, we are in America: you could KILL someone.
We (Americans) are such silly people sometimes. That said, detention was quiet and pleasant and a very good time. I have no problem with being forced to read and think and consider my contribution to this school, this community, the world, and the lives of those individuals with whom I've come into contact. I think I'm capable of good things. I hope so. It's a shame that I've waited so long to get to work.
(makes busy, getting-to-work-type humming noises)
Paula: ...and what i really like better about german schools is that there is no "school spirit". The pep rally was one of the weirdest things i have experienced in my exchange year so far. I felt like i was surrounded by crazy sektenmitgliedern. Wait, i will look the word up... "sect members".
Rory: Sounds accurate.
Paula: Yes, that's exactly how i felt, standing there surrounded by screaming, excited people, like they were praying to a strange god, and drums were making the matching noises.
Wednesday, December 03, 2003
"These things I have spoken to you that in me ye might have peace: in the world ye shall have tribulation, but be of good cheer: I have overcome the world." - Jesus Christ
Man lives in his own world. He built it out of words and dirt and in the blink of an eye it is reduced to words and dirt again. Look past the meaningless, silly regulations we set for ourselves and the trivial ordinances we judge ourselves by. It's all stacks of paper in an office somewhere on a desk, or flashing across the screen of a computer. None of that means anything. Your arms and legs and flesh and mind and heart and soul mean something. A kiss means something. A laugh or a smile means something. Grades, Tardies, Detention-Slips "... In the world ye shall have tribulation, but be of good cheer". Open your eyes. Take a deep breath. This is life. Be alive. Overcome the world.
Monday, December 01, 2003
And it's always good to see many sides of things. To that end I give you not-particularly-rebellious emerson (directly stolen from Katie Personke's birthday card):
"To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!"
"But do your work, and I shall know you. Do your work, and you shall reinforce yourself."
It ought not be such a complicated issue, I think. We make it more perplexing than it really is. Every time we act in a manner that is dictated by external "authorities" and out of harmony with our personal understanding of the universe, every time we betray what we naturally are (in favor of what others would have us be) we weaken ourselves and our society. We muddle, and grey, and moderate until we become confused and are no longer capable of distinguishing the one from the other. We are no longer men and women... we are collages of men and women assembled out of recycled magazine articles and television specials and each other. We are the sum total of the random, meaningless blowing of a superficial wind. We seek comfort and safety in community and unity but it is not comfortable or safe. We feel out of tune, somehow. We feel out of place even as we acquire those gifts particularly demanded by "fitting in". We float and drift and bob through days feeling entirely helpless (at worst) and significantly confused (at best). I can only speak from my own experiance. I can only share what little meaning I've managed to accumulate in terms of my own existance and personal path. But it seems to me that a person in such circumstances can not avoid reaching a point at which he says "this is not me".
What then?
I am logically obligated to ask "if not this, what?" This isn't hard. Just watch yourself. Just listen to yourself talk and follow your own train of thought consciously. Do what you do. Say what you have to say. Make each and every step and action conscious and intentional and natural and right. Project who you are. Be who you are. "But do your work, and I shall know you..." And you shall know yourself. Have you ever met someone whose personal energy and presence was so powerful that you could feel it and sense it and enjoy its effects without a word? "Men imagine that they communicate their virtue or vice only by overt actions, and do not see that virtue or vice emit a breath every moment." Be yourself.
